Fly Fishing and Fatherhood

Traveling Trout Co

Traveling Trout Co

Member
Joined
Feb 15, 2024
Messages
36
City
South Central Pa
Hey guys. As my wife and daughter (more on that later) are at my parents house because our dog has fleas and we are 'bug bombing' the house (spraying, vaccuming, washing ect.) and I may or may not be drowning my anxiety in adult beverages alone with my dog watching the Dane Cook documentary on Netflix, let me quick say something about being a minor YouTube (insert douchebag) fly fisherman who just had a kid.

Maybe its because my daughter is 6mo. old but everytime I've tried to go on a fishing trip to a new historically and architecturally significant town for 'Trout Towns' (shameless self promotion), I have this uncanny urge to rush home. Anything more than a night or two in the mountains/forests that I love brings genuine anxiety that I should be home. It's one of those 'why am I here, shouldn't I be at home' type scenarios.

I just don't care about fishing like I used to. The maniacal drive has faded away. Without giving too much away personally, I'm in my late 30's (still jacked and handsome and funny, obviously), but still my trout fishing edge has dulled. Is this normal when you first have a kid? Will I get over this eventually? Do you guys still hate me or even know who I am? These are questions we will never know. Anyways, I caught a nice brown on trout run yesterday after helping my parents remodel our cabin in north central Pa, so I feel good about the world (minus the fleas). Cheers my bros.
 
Bummer about the fleas. I’ve been watching your channel for a long time and have enjoyed seeing the transformation to a “super ethical” fisherman (come a long way from the treble hook, no net, dry hands, spot burning days) 😉

Jokes aside, the trout towns series has been some of your best work, and I enjoy seeing the historical/architectural tie-in which is a unique twist and obviously well researched.

I asked my dad a similar question just this last week, pondering if my near future will include kids or not. One cited concern was my apprehension to lose my fishing time. My dad just said something to the effect of “as soon as you kids came into my life, nothing was more important than spending time together.”

I don’t think you’re a bad fisherman for losing the “maniacal drive”. I think you’re on your way to being a good dad. And maybe in a few years when your kiddo can cast a rod, it will all come flooding back 🙂
 
Dear TTC,

In the immortal words of my old boss Bob Vaber, who turned 89 yesterday and is still kicking, "Goodbye, and don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya."

Enjoy fatherhood, for at least a couple of decades! The world will be better for it. 😉

Regards,

Tim Murphy 🙂
 
Ive never been maniacal about fishing to where I would want to spent a day or two away from my kids. Never desired to fish for a living either. Are you sure it’s not the YouTube thing? Is YouTubing a full time job for you or is it an excuse to get away for a few days?
 
Being a father changes you. There’s no two ways about it. It is (and should be) your primary focus in life right now. Raising your daughter and spending time with her and your wife are crucial. Everyone says the time goes fast, and it’s not an understatement.

However, can you still fish? Of course. Instead it will just change to a couple hours out on the water as opposed to a couple of days. You will appreciate that time on the water so much more.
 
I don't hate you. I've enjoyed some of your content.

That 'anxiety'-or, let me be more blunt: 'guilt' is nature's form of a reset switch: to bring you back to your senses, where you belong, doing what you need to be doing supporting your family, whether its making the dough that pays the mortgage, or working at your daughter's HS marching band fundraiser, while the ducks are pitching into to every pothole; or in keeping it with fly fishing: the Green Drake, or Hex hatch is game-on.

I am a father of 7 kids. All me & my wife's, ages 9-27. Married 31 years. I can't be away fishing and hunting all the time with that situation, and have to keep up my end of the bargain with the wife & kids.

Over time, I adjusted and came to recognize my 'selfish time' was a fixed slice of the life pie, in any given year or season: new baby? smaller slice that year, FIL in hospice dying? smaller slice, Suicidal teenager? 1/2 a serving of pie-if that. Kapeesh? You can still enjoy that piece of pie, however small, but not the whole pie, all to yourself anymore. With time, maybe your daughter will come to enjoy fishing, and join you on the water? More pie. For me, only a couple of the kids join me afield. You can't force them into it-but that's a whole other thread.

All that said, you will still have time to get out: and if its in your blood, part of who you are: you need to do so. My advice? Let that 'anxiety' voice guide you in keeping your 'selfish' pursuits in check, and it will all work out.

Joe
 
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Traveling Trout Co said:
Hey guys. As my wife and daughter (more on that later) are at my parents house because our dog has fleas and we are 'bug bombing' the house (spraying, vaccuming, washing ect.) and I may or may not be drowning my anxiety in adult beverages alone with my dog watching the Dane Cook documentary on Netflix, let me quick say something about being a minor YouTube (insert douchebag) fly fisherman who just had a kid.

Maybe its because my daughter is 6mo. old but everytime I've tried to go on a fishing trip to a new historically and architecturally significant town for 'Trout Towns' (shameless self promotion), I have this uncanny urge to rush home. Anything more than a night or two in the mountains/forests that I love brings genuine anxiety that I should be home. It's one of those 'why am I here, shouldn't I be at home' type scenarios.

I just don't care about fishing like I used to. The maniacal drive has faded away. Without giving too much away personally, I'm in my late 30's (still jacked and handsome and funny, obviously), but still my trout fishing edge has dulled. Is this normal when you first have a kid? Will I get over this eventually? Do you guys still hate me or even know who I am? These are questions we will never know. Anyways, I caught a nice brown on trout run yesterday after helping my parents remodel our cabin in north central Pa, so I feel good about the world (minus the fleas). Cheers my bros.
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Happened to me, although it was with golf, not fishing (I didnt fish back then).

Before we had our first kid (now 5 yrs old) I was playing golf all the time, and probably continued that for the first six month or so. Once he became more interactive, I just didn't care about playing much anymore. It was more fun/rewarding just to hang around with him. I still continued to play a couple times a month, down from 10+ from before he was born.

Fast forward to having our 2nd child (now 18 mos), and I pretty much quit golf cold turkey given the demands at home.

I definitely noticed after the first year of two young kids I had become burned out and needed an outlet to decompress. I didn't really go back to golf but picked up fly fishing instead. Much to my wife's dismay, it takes more time than golf does 🤣.

Fishing and alone time allows me to be the best version of myself/dad. Without it I'd be an overstressed, overstimulated shell of myself. Not sure if your comment about anxiety was in jest, but I dealt with anxiety after our second was born and still have to work on it. Feel free to DM me to that end if you'd like.

My advice would be, just go with the flow and listen to your gut. If you take a break from fishing for a while - no big deal. The fish will still be there when you pick it back up. Kids are only young once.
 
Being an old fart I see that things ebb and flow over time. Started fly fishing about 13 after being a fishing nut my whole childhood and wasn't that good fly rod, but I tried. Happy to catch a fish or two. Got better into young adulthood and merged into a hiking, canoeing, fishing outdoors crowd and spent most weekends off on some adventure. Then marriage, kids, starting a career, etc put fishing on the back burner. As everyone else says children change you and they become the priority. Even so, I often tried to sneek out for just an hour for some relaxation. Never did an overnight, but just catching an hour on a stream was a blessing. I had three decent trout streams within 15 minutes of me and a brookie trickle near my kids soccer field so I often snuck a little time in between driving my kids to their various activities.

Then kids left home and I got divorced and had a trout bum period. Hanging with some real good fishermen and being active in TU led to me hitting the road most weekends to some noted fishing locations. This carried into my early retirement when my buddies and I hit the peak hatches all across the Catskills, Eastern PA and central PA because we could travel any time we wanted and we were wired into the current info. Hit great coffin fly falls in the Catskills 5 years in a row and caught some monster trout.

Then I remarried and I ended up playing pickleball more than fishing, but my buddies and I took a week long fishing trip somewhere nice each year. Moved into a 55+ community not close to good fishing so my trips grew less and less. Even though fishing less, I picked up Euronymphing and went out maybe once or twice a month.

Then I became a widower and the time spent with children paid off since they are now my biggest support. Fishing more than when I was married, but nothing like when I was in my trout bum period. When I first got back to fishing more it was frustrating since my fish-head friends were way more skilled than me, but I still caught some. Then I soon got into the swing of things and started catching my share of trout. Plus, my fishing friends have also been a great support. I don't think I will become a trout bum again, but then I just started building my 4th fly rod of the year still looking to fill some specialized "need."

Fishing has been a part of my whole life. However, life changes and the intensity I pursue it changes as well. Children are a blessing and focus on them in that season.
 
I spend most of my leisure time doing activites that involve my wife and children. Sometimes that is fishing, but usually not. That said I believe that you still have to make time to enjoy the things that you want to do, so I try to get out one day a month to fish on my own. Sometimes that happens, sometimes I skip a month, sometimes I get 3 or 4 days a month in, but I always make sure it doesn't get in the way of family time if there is an opportunity for that. Family first doesn't have to mean you can never fish. Also give your wife time to do things she wants to as well. It's an act that isn't hard to balance as long as your head isn't up your rear.
 
When your daughter is old enough (5-ish), take her to the BOJC weekend in the self proclaimed fly fishing capital of, well fill in the blank.

As an adult, you will be prohibited from fishing, and instead will be obliged to teach your daughter and other kids about fly fishing and conservation.

And it is a wonderful way to build a relationship with your children, and meet a cast of characters who are at various stages in their fly fishing evolution (including some who, like you, are burned out for the moment).

I first took my son to the Maryland chapter when he was 5. At 26, he has not missed a campfire weekend yet, and has no intention of doing so.

For the record, I have transitioned from being someone who could not sleep the night before going fishing, into someone who enjoys relaxing and resting the night before, savoring the smells and other sensations of being in the wild, matching wits with creatures whose brains are roughly the size of a piece of nose crud, and sharing tales with other similarly addled anglers. And, yes, the tug is still the drug.

By contrast, my son is less devoted to fishing, but does enjoy the time we spend on the water. It’s a good thing for my ego because he is more scientific in his approach to casting and more lucky when it comes to getting bit. If he fished as much as me, I’d look like a rank amateur.

But back to the subject at hand: there’s more to fishing than just the sporting pursuit of living pin cushions. The sport is best enjoyed as a foundation for building lifelong relationships, not a competition or game of numbers.

A successful day is one when you have a good time. For me, this generally involves landing a few-or a lot- of fish, but not always.

You can start down the path to angling enlightenment with the help of BOJC. There are chapters in Pennsylvania and Maryland, but New York has facilities for women and girls, and roughly half the graduates each year are girls.


https://www.nybojc.org/
 
Traveling Trout Co said:
Hey guys. As my wife and daughter (more on that later) are at my parents house because our dog has fleas and we are 'bug bombing' the house (spraying, vaccuming, washing ect.) and I may or may not be drowning my anxiety in adult beverages alone with my dog watching the Dane Cook documentary on Netflix, let me quick say something about being a minor YouTube (insert douchebag) fly fisherman who just had a kid.

Maybe its because my daughter is 6mo. old but everytime I've tried to go on a fishing trip to a new historically and architecturally significant town for 'Trout Towns' (shameless self promotion), I have this uncanny urge to rush home. Anything more than a night or two in the mountains/forests that I love brings genuine anxiety that I should be home. It's one of those 'why am I here, shouldn't I be at home' type scenarios.

I just don't care about fishing like I used to. The maniacal drive has faded away. Without giving too much away personally, I'm in my late 30's (still jacked and handsome and funny, obviously), but still my trout fishing edge has dulled. Is this normal when you first have a kid? Will I get over this eventually? Do you guys still hate me or even know who I am? These are questions we will never know. Anyways, I caught a nice brown on trout run yesterday after helping my parents remodel our cabin in north central Pa, so I feel good about the world (minus the fleas). Cheers my bros.
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I’m a little older than you (early 40’s), but relatively close. My wife and I got a late start on kids too. We had two in 18 months (me at 39 and 40 respectively, and my wife 38 and 39). I literally could have typed your post. What you describe is exactly how I feel, and I struggled with it at first. I found I was rushing when I was fishing, kind of cherry picking and only fishing the primo spots, so I could get in the car quicker and go home and see my kids. I eventually landed on it being normal, I think. And I suppose it means I like playing with my kids more than I like fishing. I’m good with that.

Typing this from the Wendy’s in Ebensburg as I wolf down a spicy chicken sandwich on my way back from fishing this morning. I fished about a mile of stream, in a section where there’s about 2 miles of publicly accessible water. Before kids, I woulda fished all 2 miles I’m sure. I still have the urge to fish, I just get satiated quicker now. A few hours in the woods, maybe catch a few fish, and I’m usually ready to go home.

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Keep those hands soaking wet, stay super ethical, and keep pushing way up in there. 😉 Even if you cut some videos short to go home and see your kids.

Edit: Congrats on your daughter BTW.
 
Yes you do cut way back on alot of hobbies in return for birthday parties, little league games, school functions, and a whole host of other activities. You soon learn to enjoy those too. Then the fun starts when you take your little one fishing. Those ar some of the best fishing days you will have.

I know i created a monster. The kid fishes continuously for anything that swims. Our yearly fishing trips are now the highlite of the year.
 
Traveling Trout Co said:
Hey guys. As my wife and daughter (more on that later) are at my parents house because our dog has fleas and we are 'bug bombing' the house (spraying, vaccuming, washing ect.) and I may or may not be drowning my anxiety in adult beverages alone with my dog watching the Dane Cook documentary on Netflix, let me quick say something about being a minor YouTube (insert douchebag) fly fisherman who just had a kid.

Maybe its because my daughter is 6mo. old but everytime I've tried to go on a fishing trip to a new historically and architecturally significant town for 'Trout Towns' (shameless self promotion), I have this uncanny urge to rush home. Anything more than a night or two in the mountains/forests that I love brings genuine anxiety that I should be home. It's one of those 'why am I here, shouldn't I be at home' type scenarios.

I just don't care about fishing like I used to. The maniacal drive has faded away. Without giving too much away personally, I'm in my late 30's (still jacked and handsome and funny, obviously), but still my trout fishing edge has dulled. Is this normal when you first have a kid? Will I get over this eventually? Do you guys still hate me or even know who I am? These are questions we will never know. Anyways, I caught a nice brown on trout run yesterday after helping my parents remodel our cabin in north central Pa, so I feel good about the world (minus the fleas). Cheers my bros.
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A sincere congratulations and welcome to fatherhood. I suggest you go to YouTube and search Loudon Wainwright III “There’s My Daughter in the Water.”
 
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